I remember my first Wedding. I must have checked my little suitcase and paperwork a thousand times.

This wasn’t just my first wedding; this was my Best Friend’s Wedding. I’d purposely waited so one of my longest & most special friends would be the first name in my beautiful red Marriage Certificate book.

In this instance, from my friend’s perspective, the logic of ‘I’d like my friend to perform the ceremony’ was doable.

But if I had a dollar for every time someone has said to me ‘I’d actually like my friend to do it’ or ‘my friends doing an online course, but can you be a backup?’ or something to that effect, I could treat myself to a lovely over-priced Perth dinner.

The thing is it’s not quite as simple as having a mate write the ceremony and stand up there in front of everyone. This getting hitched thing is a legitimate legally binding thing. It extends far beyond the day and is so much more than just a piece of paper.

Not only that but becoming a celebrant is a lot of work (and great cost!); once the course is done, we have to formally apply to be approved.

The first thing you need to worry about is making sure you’re legally married; in Australia, only a Civil Marriage Celebrant or Religious Celebrant can solemnise your marriage.

While there are Internet and short courses available, if you have any doubt whatsoever, use a professional. All Commonwealth registered celebrants are listed on the Attorney General’s website here, so be sure to check if you aren’t sure. I’m right there on page 6 of “WA Celebrants.”

But, the legalities don’t mean you can’t have loved ones be part of your day. There ARE options.

Firstly, you could have a legal ceremony, with just yourselves, a Celebrant and 2 witnesses prior to the ‘Wedding event’ and have a friend perform a Ceremony on the day. This is quite common for overseas weddings where the Marriage isn’t legally recognised in Australia.

Or, you can have a Ceremony ‘co-captain’ on the day. By this, I mean I’ll perform the required legalities and say all the jargon that must be said, and a friend can do the introduction, a reading, a poem, and an interpretive dance if you like! So they are very much a part of the Ceremony.

We’ll say hello, introduce ourselves and explain who’s doing what (just to avoid confusion).

The photo above, is Dave and I who did a joint civil and Buddhist ceremony, and it, was, FANTASTIC!

Overseeing a wedding can cause panic for some people, its daunting standing up there in front of 100 people. Even I have those deep breath moments, and on Friday, I’ve performed literally hundreds of ceremonies!

So be careful who you choose. You may have a very dear friend you’d love to ask, but if they’re shy or don’t like public speaking, it’s not going to end well. I always suggest approaching someone to be involved in the ceremony in one of 2 ways. Either pick the reading to suit the person, so something cool and upbeat needs to be read by someone with lots of jazz and personality, so it doesn’t get lost in a monotone mutter, or! Ask the person you’d like to read, to pick something they think captures you and their thoughts on you both.

Writing your ceremony, whoever it may be with, should be a collaboration. It has to capture you and your partner and the adventures that have led you to this point. Make it really clear what you’d like to say and achieve in the ceremony, and work together, If your light hearted people, keep it light, if you’re not overly affectionate, don’t feel the need to be all ‘lovey dovey’ in the Ceremony! Or those in the audience, who know you best, will be standing there a little perplexed thinking ‘that’s not what their normally like?! ‘

Then, after all that, when the day comes to finally say I do, the person standing beside you will smile as they say those words that make you officially married.

It’s a privilege to be a part of someone’s day, and it’s our job to make sure you have time to take a moment, smile and enjoy (and have a tissue handy if need be!)

The post So you want a friend to Marry you? first appeared on Shannon Fleming - Civil Celebrant.

The post Why are you getting married? first appeared on Shannon Fleming - Civil Celebrant.

One biggie is the paperwork, this is signed during the ceremony and you’ll need two witnesses over the age of 18 to co-sign. Traditionally a lot of people assume it’s the Maid of Honour and Best man, but trust be told it can be anyone, Mum & Dad, cousins, or someone special to you that isn’t in the bridal party.

It’s also worthwhile considering placement, and if you’re ok with your guests coming up to grab a quick picture and look at you signing, or if you’d prefer them to stay seated.

Rituals

Rituals like readings often break up the ceremony (so it’s not solely talking) and are a beautiful way to add some tradition. Other than the traditional exchange of things, there’s an abundance of other interesting things to incorporate and add to the occasion.

Hand fasting; sand ceremony; releasing butterflies or doves; rings warming are just a few, and while I will give you a list of ideas and creative suggestions, don’t hesitate to ask your family or even scour the internet for something that’s ‘you’.

‘I now present to you…’

This is your big finale! The first time you’re presented as a married couple, so make it a big arrival!

Depending on venue restrictions confetti’s is great fun, but there’s also bubbles, rice or roses

You can have your guests form an arch for you to walk under, or you can just stand there and put your arms in the air (like you just don’t care!).

But guests will wonder what to do, so consider that when you’re thinking of your exit and whether you’d like to go straight into congratulations, or just sneak off for a few moments just the two of you.

Photos

Now the ceremony is over it’s time for those more organised photos (rather than candid during the ceremony) so if you’d like a group photo, do it now. Otherwise it’s like herding cattle as everyone wanders off.

Mention at the end of the ceremony you’d like a group photo and people will tend to hang around. To make life easier for the photographer, write a list of everyone you’d like a photo with – there are the obvious immediate family (Mum & Dad) photos, but who else would you like a photo with? Make a list, check it twice, and you’ll have gorgeous photos to look back on for the rest of your life!

These are just a few ideas and tips, regardless of what you do or don’t include, remember it’s your day, have it your way, and remember it’s about the two of you and what’s lead you to this (amazing) point in life!

Good Luck!

Remember, whatever you choose to include, have a good think about whether it really means something to you both as a couple. Happy ceremony planning!

The post Ceremonies 101 – part 3 first appeared on Shannon Fleming - Civil Celebrant.

Bridal Party

Who to choose? Who to CHOOOSE!?

To most, the choice is obvious, to others, not so much. Chose people who have supported you through your life’s ups and downs, and who will continue to stand by your side.

Who do I pick?

Or…just won’t have a bridal party? Share the experience with everyone equally.

Or…have your best male friend on the bride’s side or vice versa.

In short…it comes back to the old ‘it’s your day so it your way’

Music

Music. Is. Key! It sets the tone, invites people in to be a part of your day and will be the tunes you make that special walk to!

I tell clients to tackle the music in 3 chunks!
1. ‘Before Music: Background tunes to set the mood while everyone is mingling awaiting the arrival of the bride

2. Ceremony Music: You need three songs for the ceremony – the aisle song (that the bride walks in to), signing song (something to play whilst we sign the paperwork) and an exit song (the celebration song you take your first steps as husband and wife to)

3. After Music: Something upbeat to start the celebrations! You can create one fantastic playlist for before AND after and just press play!
For me, I have clients send me the music beforehand, and I set up a playlist, so everything runs smoothly.

But! There are other options. Live music or a quartet is equally as impressive (if not better in my personal opinion)

Recently I met Bourne Entertainment at a friend’s wedding and they were fan-tas-TIC!

They did their take on classics and did some fantastic covers – so much, so we thought it was a recording at one point! But one thing that was for sure, when we (the bridal party) arrived at the reception, everyone was relaxed, enjoying themselves and ready to spend the night celebrating!

‘Who brings this {wo}man to this man in marriage?’

In the majority of the weddings I conduct it’s still the father that walks his son or daughter down the aisle to present her to her husband or wife-to-be, this said, doesn’t mean that’s what has to be done.

If you’re a little more left of field, you can have both parents, your cousin, best friend or even the milkman walk you down if you’d prefer!

“I Do”. Do you?

Vows are hard, and people often worry about them—a lot. Thanks to movies like ‘The Vow’ and other such Hollywood creations, people worry about what they say won’t’ be perfect. But there’s no point having a Champagne ceremony if your actually Beer people. And by this I mean the key to your vows is be who you are.

They can be serious or light-hearted but what’s important is that they mean the most to you. And reflect your story and journey together, and what makes you, ‘you’.

I provide my clients with a selection of vows and examples and all sorts, but it’s just a guide, no-one knows your relationship better than you.
You can even keep your vows a surprise and only share them on the day!

Some of my favourites have been the most simple and honest: “I promise to close the cereal box every morning & to try to be a good egg” or…
“I love that we can explore together that when we travel and see something amazing that I will have someone next to me to say ‘that is amazing’. Instead of to myself…in my head.”

The legal jargon

There are without a doubt some words in the ceremony that cause some contention, but unfortunately, yes, they have to be said. Things like the Monitum and ‘The Asking’ within the ceremony are non-negotiable in a legal sense, but this doesn’t mean we can’t still have some fun with them.

If you aren’t super keen on the ‘I do’, as long as there’s some form of a verbal offering and acceptance of the Marriage you will still be legally married.

Part 3 coming soon!

The post Ceremonies 101 – part 2 first appeared on Shannon Fleming - Civil Celebrant.

I did a wedding recently, and as we clung to what shelter we could to sign the paperwork as the rain fell around us, the Bridesmaid said ‘there are a few things to sign, they don’t show that part in the movies’.

No, they don’t. But it got me thinking, and I hear it a lot, most people have very little, if any, idea of what to plan and consider for the Ceremony. They plan for the reception and by what mode of transport they’ll get TO the Ceremony in, but not what to include AT the Ceremony.

While I do give examples and help you along the way, I thought I’d jot down a few points to consider to ensure the Ceremony suits you as a couple – it’s your day, have it your way.
So here’s part one (of 3).

Location, location, location

Where to say ‘I do’, while most people have a pretty good idea where they want to have the Ceremony by the time we meet, many often change.
It’s important to remember it’s your special day, so surround yourself with unforgettable memories. Perhaps the spot you had your first date, or a favourite park, the family farm?

Somewhere that resonates with you is always a great option.

But also consider that while we do our best, we have no sway with the weather gods. So consider the weather at that time of year. If you’re having a winter wedding, ensure there can be a backup plan in place if the heavens do open. If it’s a summer soiree, no-one loves standing out in the sun on a 44-degree day, especially the Groom and Groomsmen in suits, and sweat patches aren’t sexy on anyone! So opt for a late afternoon Ceremony rather than 1:00 when the sun is beating down and plan where you want the photos taken.

Other things to ponder is the layout for the guest, are they on chairs, benches, sitting, standing? What sort of feel do you want for the Ceremony as a whole? Consider your guests and their comfort.

While it is your day, these people have come from far and wide frocked up to be there and want to enjoy it just as much as you.

The who
Before you jump on Google and type in ‘Celebrants’ think about what sort of person you’d like. Male or Female? Younger or a little older? Religious or Civil? Do you have a budget?

Talk to friends about what they looked for and if the person they had was what they wanted. Knowledge sharing is a beautiful thing, but be sure not to make your decisions solely on others opinions and experience – this goes for all suppliers.

Sometimes things go wrong as with anything in life, and one scathing review somewhere doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t any good, so if you think you’d like to use them, tee up a time for a chat and form your own opinion. Just because someone’s florist couldn’t give them roses (no doubt due to the weather or some other random circumstances), doesn’t mean the flowers weren’t impressive.

The Celebrant is what makes you legally married, and they should take care of everything, from the Notice of Intended Marriage, Declaration, and Marriage certificates – and more importantly, making sure everything is lodged. In regards to the legalities, you shouldn’t have to worry about a thing – this is what you’re paying them (me) for.

When you have your meeting go with a few questions, I often ask clients what they’ve seen that they didn’t like at a Ceremony. That way, we know what’s out and start working from there. It’s a chance for us all to meet and get a feel for each other, to make sure you’re comfortable with me and my approach and for me to answer any question, regardless of how crazy you think they are! Check how many weddings they do a day, and how much time they allow for each. Are they all written individually by the Celebrant themselves or ‘mass-produced’ so to speak? No two ceremonies should be the same!
And also make sure you’re really clear on what they include, in my first email after an enquiry I outline everything I include and the cost to avoid an awkward moment over coffee!

‘We don’t want a long boring Ceremony.’
Good, because I don’t do boring! But as for length, how long’s a piece of string?

The length depends entirely on you. A bare-bones Ceremony with only the legalities can be over and done within 5 minutes! Or you could add readings, rituals, poems or even interpretive dance. What’s important is you don’t feel you ‘have’ to have a ceremony a certain way. Don’t have a champagne ceremony (or wedding!) if your beer people, and by this I mean, don’t pretend to be something you’re not.

This’ about the two of you, and your adventures & the story that has lead you to this point, the end of the aisle.

You could have a theme, keep it light and funny, or quote the Muppets. Nothing should be off-limits!

While a Civil ceremony is usually non-religious, you can still incorporate traditions and customs from your family’s culture, or memories past, honour those who aren’t with us or include family and friends to share a reading or sing to you!

It’s also a great way to include special people in your life who aren’t in the bridal party (more on this in part 2).

The post Ceremonies 101 – part 1 first appeared on Shannon Fleming - Civil Celebrant.

But what if you don’t want a sonnet, something really soppy or a religious reading? Well the good thing about a civil ceremony in Australia is that aside from a small bit of legal jargon, the rest is up to you. So there’s no point having a champagne and serious ceremony, if your fun beer kinda folks!

That means nothing is off limits, it’s up to you.

Here are a few of my favourites, that when read with a but of gusto, are perfect!

All I Ever Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten

All of what I really need to know about how to live, and what to do, and how to be, I learned in Kindergarten.
Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sandpit at primary school.
These are the things we learnt…
Share everything.
Play fair.
Don’t hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don’t take things that aren’t yours.
Say sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. Give them to someone who feels sad.
Live a balanced life.
Learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day.
Take a nap every afternoon.
Be aware of wonder.
Remember the little seed in the plastic cup?
The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
Everything you need to know is in there somewhere.
And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

He’s not perfect – a quote by Bob Marley

He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect.
But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice,
and if he admits to being human and making mistakes,
hold onto him and give him the most you can.
He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment,
but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break.
Don’t hurt him, don’t change him,
and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze.
Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad,
and miss him when he’s not there.
Love hard when there is love to be had.
Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.

How Falling in Love is like Owning a Dog – Taylor Mali

First of all, it’s a big responsibility, especially in a city like New York.
So think long and hard before deciding on love.
On the other hand, love gives you a sense of security:
when you’re walking down the street late at night and you have a leash on love
ain’t no one going to mess with you.
Because crooks and muggers think love is unpredictable.
Who knows what love could do in its own defense?

On cold winter nights, love is warm.
It lies between you and lives and breathes and makes funny noises.
Love wakes you up all hours of the night with its needs.
It needs to be fed so it will grow and stay healthy.

Love doesn’t like being left alone for long.
But come home and love is always happy to see you.
It may break a few things accidentally in its passion for life,
but you can never be mad at love for long.

Is love good all the time? No! No!
Love can be bad. Bad, love, bad! Very bad love.

Love makes messes. Love leaves you little surprises here and there.
Love needs lots of cleaning up after. Sometimes you just want to get love fixed.
Sometimes you want to roll up a piece of newspaper and swat love on the nose,
not so much to cause pain, just to let love know Don’t you ever do that again!

Sometimes love just wants to go out for a nice long walk.
Because love loves exercise. It will run you around the block
and leave you panting, breathless. Pull you in different directions
at once, or wind itself around and around you
until you’re all wound up and you cannot move.

But love makes you meet people wherever you go.
People who have nothing in common but love stop and talk to each other on the street.

Throw things away and love will bring them back, again, and again, and again.
But most of all, love needs love, lots of it.
And in return, love loves you and never stops.

A Farewell To Arms – Ernest Hemingway

At night, there was the feeling that we had come home, feeling no longer alone, waking in the night to find the other one there, and not gone away; all other things were unreal.

We slept when we were tired and if we woke the other one woke too so one was not alone.

Often a man wishes to be alone and a woman wishes to be alone too and if they love each other they are jealous of that in each other, but I can truly say we never felt that. We could feel alone when we were together, alone against the others.

We were never lonely and never afraid when we were together.

A Funny poem for a wedding reading
I Wanna Be Yours…
by John Cooper Clarke
I wanna be your vacuum cleaner
breathing in your dust
I wanna be your Ford Cortina
I will never rust
If you like your coffee hot
let me be your coffee pot
You call the shots
I wanna be yours

I wanna be your raincoat
for those frequent rainy days
I wanna be your dreamboat
when you want to sail away
Let me be your teddy bear
take me with you anywhere
I don’t care
I wanna be yours

I wanna be your electric meter
I will not run out
I wanna be the electric heater
you’ll get cold without
I wanna be your setting lotion
hold your hair in deep devotion
Deep as the deep Atlantic ocean
that’s how deep is my devotion

The post Not-so mushy wedding readings first appeared on Shannon Fleming - Civil Celebrant.

What I was taken aback with was the number of comments from the ‘bridal posse’s’ at each dress shop. “Oh don’t worry it’s over budget just don’t tell him”, “your folks will pay” or a polar opposite “I’m only wearing it for a few hours why spend $5000?!”

I have to say I agree with the latter.

Getting married is one day, on the rest of your life. No doubt may other wedding industries folk will be cursing me for saying that but let me explain my logic.

Budget is the key thing to any Wedding, every single couple talks about it at some stage in their planning, it causes stress and arguments, and if you exceed what you had planned, you’ll regret it later.

I heard a great radio interview recently with another cool young Celebrant over on the east coast about his pricing. The announcer asked if that’s cheap, and he said no. But then went on to say he’s setting himself up so he’s still in business in 6, 12, 24 months and so he can keep giving this is all and be the best.

And I feel the same. Unlike every other component of a Wedding, you have to have someone to officiate it. Or it’s not a Wedding. And the Ceremony will set the tone for the rest of the day.

Every wedding supplier will say their product/service is the key to a successful day. And most are probably right.

But somewhere along the line, more often than not, something’s gotta give.

All you NEED to get married, and I mean be legally married, because after all that’s the outcome your trying to achieve and the whole point of the day, is someone you love standing beside you, 2 other loved ones (but it can be random folk off the street, it’s happened!) and someone to officiate it.

Those are the absolute necessities. Everything else is a bonus. You can get married in your jimmy-jam’s in your Mum’s lounge room if you like. Or the grand ballroom at the Waldorf.

But those few things are all you NEED.

So how to tackle this awful budget thing. Where can you splurge and where should you scrimp?

My advice is pretty simple. Write a list.

List every single thing you want at your wedding, then rank them from most important ‘must have’s’ to ‘negotiable’, and where possible include them in order of priority.

Usually the Venue, Celebrant, Photographer, Dress, Food and Drink are the top few. Their things you need to book or order in advance.

From there, think outside the square. Where can you save or ‘trim’ the costs? Perhaps don’t spend $500 on a wedding cake, and perhaps do a Cake Buffet? Or don’t have the photographer for 12 hours, if you can only afford 6 or 8?

Ask your married friends what they would’ve done differently? Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Another kicker is the ‘oh I can just do it myself, we’ll have a craft afternoon’ logic – this doesn’t always work either, (here’s another great blog on this and working with suppliers – https://www.shannonfleming.com.au/stop-collaborate-and-listen/) and can often end up costing you more financially as well as in sanity.

Some things are definitely worth spending the extra on. One common question I see on the Wedding forums is ‘can anyone recommend a great, cheap photographer’ – this is in the same category as Unicorns and a washing machine that folds your clothes. Doesn’t exist.

So spend a little extra, within reason, so you can enjoy your Wedding photos for years to come.

Celebrants is another thing, I know of Celebrants $250 cheaper than me (and Josh!) but with us, I genuinely believe you get what you pay for. I think I’m worth the extra and I’m sure the other ‘not so cheap’ Celebrants do too.

Food IS important. No-one wants to be starving at a wedding and chasing the caterer and their canapé tray around the reception. Make sure you have enough food and drink. If you can’t afford ‘enough’ of the fancy shmancy food, go down a level/cost bracket and you can order a bit extra, the same goes for drinks. And if you aren’t supplying food or a lot of drinks, that’s absolutely ok, but be sure to tell your guest beforehand, that way they can have lunch or a snack between Ceremony and reception.

Some things will longer long after the Wedding day, and some will be thrown out by the cleaners as everyone heads home, high-heels in hand.

So work out what matters to you, think of anything you’ve loved at weddings you’ve been to, things you thought they could do better, and go from there.

But above all keep it in perspective. It’s about celebrating the fact you’ve decided to spend the rest of your live with the one you love.

The post Splurge Or Save? first appeared on Shannon Fleming - Civil Celebrant.

Aside from the legal requirement and time frames there’s the availability issue.

People tend to book with plenty and I mean plenty (think 2013 booking for 2015 wedding!) of notice, or too late and their date isn’t available.

So when should you book your celebrant? In short, as soon as possible! In fact I’m going to say it should be a top 3 decision. Date, Venue and Celebrant.

There’s nothing worse as a Celebrant than getting a fabulous excited email from someone asking you to be part of their day, and having to decline because you’ve already got a booking. And even harder, is them not understanding how you’re already booked when it’s still 4 months away.

Aside from the fact this’ the part that makes you legally hitched, your Celebrant & Ceremony will set the tone for your day. It’s super important that you find someone you both really click with and genuinely feel comfortable around and don’t end up in an ‘anyone will do’ situation.

Because no, just anyone won’t do!

The post When should I book my Celebrant? first appeared on Shannon Fleming - Civil Celebrant.

Hence this blog post…The task of writing a first edition, adding to, the first round of cuts, pruning again, and then one more trim to end up with a final guest list is one of the, if not the most stressful tasks you’ll have to complete in the very early days of your wedding planning.

I saw a picture recently that said ‘let’s decide who we’re going to invite to our wedding, and who will never speak to us again’. While it made me chuckle, it’s still true (and silly some people think this way not getting an invite).

You don’t have to invite your Nonna’s, neighbour’s, niece’s milkman who picked you up from school…once. Nor do you have to allow for the fact a good friend MAY have a partner by then. Base your invitations on who is your world, the people that are involved in your day to day life and you chat to, and more importantly SEE regularly.

Hopefully this great flowchart I found will also help too!

The post Who to invite…how to write your guest list. first appeared on Shannon Fleming - Civil Celebrant.

What you want to do it make it memorable and loving and ensure these words go at just the right spot in the Ceremony.

Here’s a few ideas to honour that special someone who can’t be with us on your big day.

• A special seat. Having a photo, a flower, or something that reminds you of them on the seat where they would have otherwise been sitting. But be conscious of things like if it was your father, and your mother has since remarried, this may be a bit confronting for them

• Say a few words – mention them in the Ceremony or have a poem dedicated them in your programs. You could also include a poem or passage in the ceremony & mention that you’re dedicating it to a loved one.

• Stop and think – take a minute during the Ceremony to reflect on those who cannot be with us and remember the good memories you have of them.

• A few bars – If there’s a song that just always reminds you of them, have it played at some point during the Ceremony. Perhaps when signing or afterwards during the Congratulations.

• Wear your heart on your sleeve – if you have a brooch, earrings, a hankie or anything else they gave you, wear it on the day or have it on your pocket. Another option for this is to have something for guests to wear to remember, a ribbon or a lei of flowers.

• Burning bright – have a candle or small lamp that you can light at the start of the Ceremony that will burn in their honour

These are just a few ideas we can use to honour a loved one, but if you have something in particular in mind, just let me know, it’s your day afterall.

The post For those here in spirit…how to honour a loved one missing at your wedding. first appeared on Shannon Fleming - Civil Celebrant.